She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
