I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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