she sounds like chewbacca in bed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
