it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
