we're making bets on your personal life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
