she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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