it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
