that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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