So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
