Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
