3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We just shotgunned beers for America
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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