I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
