You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
