she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
