btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
