Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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