he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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