when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He is an equal opportunity slut.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Randomize
