I am puke
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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