We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
