i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
