I think my fart just growled at me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
