oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
