That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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