I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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