No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
