I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
