he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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