Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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