She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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