we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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