Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm experimenting with sincerity
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
