Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
