she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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