i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
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it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I die, sorry about rent.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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