peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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