dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
