My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
