In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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