I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
