I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
