I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize