You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
