I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
