and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
