Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
