I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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