just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
