OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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