just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He felt like a one man threesome
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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