meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
