Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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