I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
