One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
