It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
