It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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