My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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