So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
