i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
