Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
