I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
