i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
