The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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