Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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