My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
