Betty ford says i'm here all night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
