im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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