so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
