I puked a lego.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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