I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I want a musical about memes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
